SELF-DISCOVERY

 By:  Ty Shibity Wheat


Self-discovery and self-love are two important factors in this journey called life.  They are imperative for personal growth, freedom, authenticity,  maintaining healthy relationships, increased life satisfaction and joy.  Self-Discovery leads to Self-Awareness and  Self-Love.  I will solely focus on self-discovery in this article.   What does self-discovery mean and why is it important to your personal growth?

What is SELF-DISCOVERY?

The discovery of ones’ self is not wholly about determining your likes and dislikes or what type of person you are.  From birth we are taught, consciously and unconsciously, how to interact with others, what belief system you should follow, love, hate, what is beautiful or displeasing…and the list goes.  All of what you think and who you are today, in this moment, you have learned from family, friends, media (news and social media), school, your community, culture and all your personal experiences.  Most of us, navigate through life unconsciously living life as we are and/or who we want others to think we are.  We rarely ever take the time to really notice who we’ve become.  Self-discovery is making a conscious effort to focus inward on the WHY’S of yourself in an open and truthful manner.  Not with a selfish or self-centered mindset, but in a way that teaches you things about yourself that you never realized or considered, to help you to uncover your authentic self. 

What are the Why’s of yourself?

The "Why's of Yourself" is questioning WHY to facts you want to determine about yourself.  For a silly example of the application, (true story) I love kittens, but I truly dislike cats.  Now I ask, why?  Before my journey of self-discovery began, someone asked me that exact question, and I answered, “Because they are mean and moody.”  That’s a legitimate answer, however, it’s a very shallow answer.  The real question is, why did I believe that to be true?  Considering this question now, I realize exactly why.  During my childhood we had a few kittens who eventually became cats.  I had a severe weakness for stray kittens.  I couldn’t handle the thought of them being alone, hungry, and cold.  They were meant for snuggles.  However, in every experience I’ve had with cats, I have a horror story.  The very worst of these stories was that, one of my dear cats loved to torment my mother.  My mother would, very frequently, wake up to cat poo in her slippers or underneath her bed, and once, in her hair, which happened while she slept.  Yes!  That happened!  Even though, these situations didn’t happen to me personally, it did impact my perception of cats.  I don’t have to recall all the instances I’ve been upset by one of my cats, to make clear the true answer to why I dislike cats.  Now, I’ll follow that up with how this realization can help me now… how does understanding the Why affect me now?  And with a clear and open heart and mind, I can evaluate my thinking.  Is that a good reason to dislike cats?  Is that how I want to continue to feel?  Does feeling this way have a negative impact on my life?  This is how we can discover ourselves in a way we never have before, which allows us the opportunity to, genuinely and mindfully, take ownership of whatever treasures we find within or change direction and take a different path.   The cat story is a seemingly unimportant aspect of my life, but I think it shows how even the smallest details of ourselves has a backstory that could change how we feel when we connect the WHY. 

Where am I and where am I going?

Self-discovery is also purposeful when we have lost ourselves.  Many of us, men and women, tend to lose ourselves after we begin our careers, marriages, have children or all of the above.  We forget that we loved certain things, like watching the sunrise, or had a passion for writing or stamp collecting.  We get caught in the web of life and time just keeps going. This is what sent me on my personal journey of self-discovery.  My 8-year-old daughter, asked me where I would go on vacation, if I could go anywhere, money and time not being a factor.  And I absolutely, could not answer.  And as I thought harder about it, I realized that I couldn’t stop factoring in everyone else’s opinion.  The kids wouldn’t enjoy that or my husband would like to go there.  I could not muster up a decision based purely on my opinions alone, for that question or any other I had thrown at myself.  Everything I did in life was for my children or my husband.  I hadn’t thought about myself for most of my adult life.  Don’t get me wrong, considering others is an admirable trait.  But considering others to the point that you lose yourself is not healthy.  I was lost and depressed.  I didn’t know how to pull myself out of the dark hole I was in.  But that small question from my sweet daughter set me on my path.  It brought to light so many questions and then so many answers.  Even when nothing had changed around me, I began to change, to transform, to evolve.  My being, my soul, was at peace.  It opened my eyes and helped me to free myself from the pain that seemed to never leave me.  I finally felt happiness.  I was (I am) free... free to be me and to love me.  I realized I am free to be what ever I want to be.  It's my choice.  And that was the game changer.

Self-Discovery is such an important step on your personal or spiritual growth journey.  You cannot repair your computer if you don't know what's inside of it.  You cannot heal a plant if you're not aware of it's needs or their parts and functions.  Self-discovery leads you to truly understand yourself, discover the authentic version of you, accept yourself (flaws and all), heal from past traumas or toxic relationships, develop a closer relationship to God or your higher power, take control of your life and increase your level of success.  And now that you are aware...the choice is now yours.